How far can we go
by patalano
Summary: Vauseman, post Litchfield, slight AU. Piper and Alex are married and trying to concieve a child for a while now. Can their relationship survive all the negative things they re going through or will they go their separate ways. Rated M for possible smut, language and drug use.
1. Chapter 1

Well, this is my first attempt at writing FanFiction in about 11 or 12 years. Yes, I am old.

Just an idea that came to mind one day, maybe won`t go any further than this, maybe it will. Who knows. If it continues, will probably be more on the dark side, at least in the beggining. Rated M for possible smut, language and drugs.

I don`t own anything related to OITNB.

"Piper? I'm home!"

Silence.

"Shit."

Alex hangs her coat and her bag by the door and walks over to the bathroom, already knowing what to expect. Piper is sitting on the floor, arms around her legs, her face buried in them, sobbing quietly.

"Pipes?"

"It's negative."

Alex slides down the wall beside Piper and trows her head back against the wall, wrapping an arm around her wife. She already knew it had come to this – another IVF attempt, another negative result. They'd been trying to have a child for about 13 months now – all attempts failed. It didn't make sense – all of Piper's tests were supposedly normal, she was healthy, had enough eggs, their donor(which took about 127 files to find one that met both hers and Alex's criterias) was also healthy and had already fathered a few kids. Why wasn't it working for them?! They wanted it bad enough, they should be able to conceive a child. It seemed they were cursed.

"It's ok, Pipes."

"No, it's NOT! I'm tired of getting the same results over and over again, Alex! What, am I not good enough to be a mother? Maybe there's a god up there that thinks I'm not worthy of having a child, maybe I'm too-"

"Don't. Stop. I mean it. It's not your fault"

"Then whose fault is it? The fucking donor? Maybe we should lower our standards and go for some loser that needed the sperm money to pay for cable tv and the porn channel, then! Granted he only uses that fucking dick for masturbation, so the universe might consider giving him the right to procreate?"

"Come on"

Alex gets up and extends her hand to Piper, who doesn't grab it immediately. "Come here." Piper takes her hand, still avoiding any form of eye contact; her eyes red and puffy from crying for a rather long time. She's tired, depressed and hopeless. They head to their bedroom and hop into bed, Alex spooning her and drying her tears with the fabric of her sleeve.

"It'll be okay, we can get through this. We can try again or maybe consider other options-"

"Please shut up"

"I'm serious, we can adopt, we can choose a kid that looks exactly like you, no one will know"

"Alex, we're not 'shopping' for a child, you can't just pick one like you do with a shirt at the fucking GAP"

"You know I didn't mean it like that"

"Yeah?" – Piper asks while standing up – "Then what the fuck do you mean, Alex? That we have to find a kid that not only doesn't have your DNA but it doesn't have mine, either? That it's that easy? Just go in and pick a cute one and take it home, hell, if it doesn't behave or poops too much we can just take it back and pick another one? We're talking about a fucking person here!"

"For god's sake, I don't care about it not having my freaking DNA, Piper! I know a child would make you happy, why does it have to come out from you? I mean seriously, why do you wanna keep going through this hell?! It's fucking expensive and it's only making you a mess every time that damn stick says it didn't work! I'm sick of seeing you so miserable, kid"

The blonde woman looks at her wife and you can instantly see the hurt in her eyes. She can not believe she just heard such harsh words from the one person she expected to support her through all of this. She turns around and leaves the room in a storm, slamming the door shut.

"FUCK!"

A couple hours later and Piper has yet to return home. As the night came down, the temperature ice cold now, it looked like it was going to snow. Alex swallowed her pride and decided to head to their red Prius(which they both hated, by the way, but it was a gift from Piper's parents and they had to other ways to afford a car they could actually buy with their own money.) and text Piper, hoping she wouldn't have to wait long or wander around too much around town, looking for her.

**From Alex: Where are you? I'm on my way to pick you up. It's late.**

**From Piper: We're running out of money, you know. We barely have enough for another try and I doubt it'd be different and actually work this time.**

**From Alex: Babe, just let me pick you up and we can talk over a glass of wine…**

**From Piper: No talking. Pick me up at the liquor store in 10.**

**From Alex: Get me two of whatever you're having. I'll be there soon. X**

Alex pulls up in front of the liquor store and honks, impatiently waiting, until Piper comes out of the store without a coat and carrying two huge brown bags, a sad look on her face, shaking a little. She gets into the car and drops the bags on the floor, rubbing her hands together in front of the heater while Alex gets a sweater that was forgotten on the backseat and hands it to Piper, who immediately puts it on.

"You're gonna catch a cold, if not pneumonia. Why couldn't you at least grab a coat?!"

Piper just shrugged and kept her eyes focused on the front mirror. Alex sighed; this was going to be a long night, a long week and god-knows-how-long this torture of seeing her wife completely broken down would last, and there was nothing she could do to make things better, so she just put the car in rear and started driving towards their loft. Piper just walked in front of Alex, leaving her the task of carrying the heavy bags inside. She noticed that, for once, the blonde didn't take her shoes off to walk inside, didn't bother to hang her coat, nothing. She was completely out of it, overwhelmed with sadness and hope that it was nothing more than a nightmare; She really, really wanted to have a child and deep down, she knew Alex wanted it just as bad, even though she did her best to hide the deception on her face every time they got a negative result.

The brunette followed inside, putting the bags on the small kitchen counter. God, this place was SMALL. Good were the days they spent at the penthouse and 5 star hotels.

"Ciroc, huh? Interesting choice. Should I bring the shot glasses?"

"Not strong enough. I need a double shot, no ice"

Alex chuckled. Despite the bad news they received that day, she couldn't help but find every little thing about Piper completely adorable.

"Your wish is my command, ma'am"


	2. Chapter 2

Half a bottle later, with more than two thirds quickly drank by Piper, who was already feeling a little tipsy; she finally finds a comfortable position on the couch, her feet landing on Alex's lap. Alex looks up at her and gives a small smile, along with a slight relief that maybe they wouldn't drag their argument for too long, then she takes her wife's shoes off and starts slowly massaging her feet.

"Al?"

"Yes?" – Alex lifts her glasses up to her head and looks at the blonde

"I'm sorry I was such a bitch…" She looks down, ashamed.

"It's ok, kid"

"I'm serious, I shouldn't have-" – Alex interrupts her, grabbing one of her hands and squeezing it

"Just promise me that once we have a kid you'll tone down on the f word. You were on fire"

Piper lowers her eyes and takes her hand off of Alex's, who quickly grabs it back, intertwining their fingers and running her other hand along the outer side of Piper's leg, not really knowing what to say.

"Al? Do you think we'll ever have a child? Sometimes I think I just wasn't meant to be a mother and this is how the universe is trying to show me that? Does that make sense?"

"No. I mean, yes, I think we'll have a child, I just think," Alex puts her glasses back on "I just think that maybe we should consider other options… Seriously, Pipes, what could be so terrible about giving a homeless child two loving parents and a safe home? Is there really a down side for adoption? Birth parents can be completely useless, you know. Or land you working in a drug ring…"

Piper looks into Alex's eyes, squeezes her hand and gives her a rather sincere smile.

"Let's do it"

"What?"

"Adopt. Let's adopt a child."

"Wait, what? How can you be so quick to decide?"

Piper leans closer to Alex and uses her index finger to put some dark hair behind her wife's ear, looking into her eyes and smiling brightly.

"You are right. You simply are. You worded everything right and it all makes sense. Maybe this is why I can't get pregnant, maybe we could change a kid's life. Let's do it, Alex!"

They both smile widely, and then proceed to a big hug and a small, tender kiss.

For the first time in over a year, they felt hopeful and on the right track, and, to be honest, truly happy.

Five months had gone by since they filed all adoption forms and began their wait for some to choose them, but they were both concerned about being ex-cons. Alex convinced Piper that she should fill up her mind with a different hobby or something else to do in her spare time, so it would keep her mind full and she would finally stop counting down days, until she finally gave up on arguing and decided she would get violin classes in addition to her daily yoga and occasional run. Alex took on a new, second job; She had been working as the manager of a bar for a few years now and she decided to get some extra shifts as a bartender in order to increase their income so they could save up enough money to afford a couple months' rent in a bigger apartment once they had their child. In theory, everything was going smoothly, money was coming in and saved up, but soon the longer hours apart from each other started taking effect on their relationship. Piper was now teaching English at both a middle school and private classes to foreign and immigration students who were trying to get their visas, both jobs came with horrible paychecks and severe migraines.

Alex was out for another night shift at the bar. Her clock out hour being 3a.m, she had been working since 10am. Completely worn out and smelling like beer and fried food, she finally arrives home at 3:52am, after some drunk costumers insisted they wouldn't let the staff close down until they decided to stop drinking, making Alex turn almost red and being held back by a fellow workmate from smacking one of the drunk assholes. She opens the door, grunts at the fact that Piper left the living room's lights on and takes her shoes off, her stomach screaming out in hunger as she opens the freezer and grabs some leftover pasta, already stale, microwaves it for 45 seconds and falls sleep, resulting in her not turning it off before the bleeping, resulting in a very upset Piper, who was woken up by the sound. She walks up to the kitchen in heavy steps, her feet sounding like they were making holes on the ground below.

"Can't you be quieter?! Some of us have work in the morning, you know"

"I'm sorry if I woke you up, I didn't mean to, I just have a terrible migraine and drifted off to sleep while waiting for it to be done, so I couldn't stop it before the beeping" Alex apologizes, too tired to argue.

"Well, keep it down!"

Alex shakes her head in disbelief of how cranky Piper has been; Not only had their time together had been reduced, but it had been over a month since they went somewhere together and over 6 weeks of absolutely no bedroom action. Sure, they were both tired, but it didn't mean they should drift apart, right? Was that their life now? Two bored, cranky and sleep deprived women who lived like roommates who happened to share the bed? Alex took two bites out of her food until deciding to just throw it away, taking off her shoes and jeans and hopping into to bed, not even bothering to brush her teeth, as she knew there probably wouldn't be a good morning kiss. God, she missed Pipers lips and hands, but mostly, she missed feeling comfortable and smiling around her wife.

Sighing, she decides that she has way too much to lose and should not to waste any more time: she would let Piper rest and wake her up in the morning with a nice breakfast and, hopefully, a few orgasms. She wasn't going to give up on them or their happiness that easily.


	3. Chapter 3

**I wanna thank everyone for their follows, favorites and reviews! I'm having a lot of fun writing this, but still nowhere near confident and still lacking imagination – I have key points to the story already written down, so I desperately need new ideas for everyday sceneries.**

**I also thought about adding some people to the story, as the plot has a lot of angst, I'll need more characters, and don't worry, the-one-who-must-not-be-named will not be in this story, as I can't stand to even read his name ;)**

**ps - never wrote smut, suggestions are always welcome**

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><p>Despite being awake for almost 24 hours, Alex decides to get up from the bed to take a quick shower and get rid of that nasty bar smell and then puts on a t-shirt and some shorts, before heading to the kitchen and going through the refrigerator and the pantry, realizing she doesn't remember the last time they went grocery shopping – which would explain the lack of food. Looking at the clock, it reads 4:43am, she yawns and scratches her eyes. Jesus, was she tired, but somehow she still manages to find some frozen waffles on the fridge and warms them up, before adding some maple syrup and chopping up strawberries and placing them on top of the food. She also finds a cup of non-fat(and completely tasteless) yogurt, grabbing a small spoon and placing everything on a small tray, along with a cup of store bought orange juice, which Piper hated, but since they didn't have any oranges, it would have to do. She slowly takes everything to the bathroom, silently praying she wouldn't make any noise, before placing it on top of the sink and turning the hot water on the bathtub on, then adding pomegranate bath salts and checking the water temperature, to make sure it was up to her standards.<p>

She hops back into bed and takes a deep breath before poking Piper's arm

"Pipes, wake up" – Piper jumps out from the bed, desperate

"WHAT TIME IS IT? I DIDN'T HEAR THE ALARM, SHIT, FUC-" – Alex looks at her and smirks, then puts a stray of blonde hair behind Piper's left ear

"It's 5:20, relax, the alarm didn't go off yet" Piper grunts, completely upset while laying back down and putting the covers over her head and murmuring "let me sleeeeep". Alex just looks at her with a small smile coming from her lips

"Come on, kid, get up, I need you to see something"

"Did you win the lottery?"

"What? No, I wish"

"Not important enough, then. Just let me go back to sleep"

"C'mon" – Alex pulls the covers down and grabs her wife's hands, trying to lift her from the bed – "I really need you to come to the bathroom" – Piper keeps grunting but slowly gets up, walking to the bathroom with her eyes practically closed, still not fully awake, until she sees two candles lit by the bathtub and smells fresh coffee, all done by Alex before she woke Piper up

"What is this?"

"What does it look like?" Alex smirks, lifts an eyebrow and looks at a now awake Piper – "I made you breakfast and drew you a bath"

"Why?"

"Because I love you and I fucking miss you?"

"Couldn't you do this, you know, at a normal hour? After my alarm goes off?"

"Geez, a simple 'thank you' would have been much nicer, now come on, get in"

She grabs Piper's shirt and takes it off, not surprised she wasn't wearing a bra, and starts tugging at the blonde's shorts, trying to pull them down, but feels some resistance that she doesn't quite understand

"I've been slacking at the shaving department" – she says, looking a bit ashamed, but Alex finds it completely adorable and gives her a soft smile, pushing her shorts down

"I really don't mind. Come in while it's still hot. I made you breakfast, well, I tried"

Piper looks at her in disbelief, thinking to herself if she was dreaming, but decides to get in the tub anyway, the water in a perfect temperature, she sits down and stretches a bit, feeling much more comfortable than she did in bed, then closes her eyes and lets out a small sigh, before Alex places the tray in front of her

"Sorry the juice is not fresh, we didn't have any fresh oranges, but the coffee's hot" – Piper looks at her and smiles while tilting her head a bit to the side, still trying to take it all in.

"It's perfect, Al" she says while looking into the brunette's eyes and holding her hand and giving her a sincere smile "But why did you do this? OH SHIT, is today our anniversary?"

Alex chuckles and nods her head 'no'. "Just wanted to do something nice and spend some time with you, is that ok?" she says, intertwining their fingers

"Of course it's ok… You are amazing" she answers, rubbing her hand on Alex's left cheek while eating a bite of the waffle that Alex was holding up for her. She closes her eyes and lets out a small moan at the taste "Come join me"

Alex smiles and undresses, getting in the tub behind Piper and putting her arms around her torso and kissing her cheek "I missed you, I missed spending time with you. I'm sorry I've been such a fucking workaholic and a terrible wife these past few months" she suddenly loosens her grip on Piper and looks down "I didn't realize I was making the same mistakes I did in my other job… I'm just… I'm glad you're still here"

Piper turns as much as she can so she can face her wife, looks into her eyes and grabs her thighs, gently squeezing them "I'm not leaving, Al… And I should apologize as well"

Alex smiles and kisses Piper's neck, moving her hands lower, until she's stopped by a hesitant Piper "What's wrong?"

"I told you, I didn't shave…"

The brunette smirks and whisper into her wife's ear "And I told you, I don't mind"

"I'm sure your mouth would disagree with you if you get something stuck in your teeth"

Alex chuckles and moves her hands to Piper's breasts; kneading them slowly "Can I shave you, then?"

"Hmmmm"

"I'll take that as a 'yes'." She gets up and grabs a razor from the cup that is resting in a cup on the sink and sits on the edge of the tub, lifting Piper's left leg and running a hand on the inside of her thigh, massaging it all the way up until she reaches her center. She then runs a fingertip over it, opening her folds and smiling as she hears a small moan and starts shaving slowly while running her other hand on Piper's right leg, until she decides to tease a bit more, drops the razor and runs the tip of her index finger from her ass to her clit, as slow as possible.

Piper gasps "You're such a freaking tease"

Alex smirks and lowers her upper body and brushes her lips against Pipers and sucks her bottom lip "you love it"

"I do" Piper says then bites Alex's bottom lip, opening her legs wider as she feels her wife grab the inside of her thighs, moving one of her hands up to Piper's left breast, stroking it and flicking her nipple with her fingertip "Well this is worth waking up to"

Alex smirks and moves her mouth to her other nipple, licking and sucking on it while moving her hand back to Piper's clit and tracing figure eights "Oh is it?" she moves her middle finger down and slips it inside, curling slowly

"Yes" she replies, closing her eyes and buckling her hips forward "More"

Alex slips one more finger and starts pumping in and out while she uses her other hand to massage Pipers breast and suck on the other, alternating with a few light bites on her nipple and trusting her fingers harder every time she hears a moan from the blonde or feels her back being scratched by eager nails

"Don't stop"

Alex moved closer and bit Pipers bottom lip then started kissing her like her life depended on it, while trusting harder and deeper into Piper, who was already shaking and barely able to move her hips

"I'm - I'm gonna cum"

Hearing that, Alex moved back to her nipple, sucking and blowing air on it and she couldn't help but add a third finger, trusting harder and finally curving her fingers, hitting Piper's g-spot as she felt her walls tighten up, followed by a loud moan - "FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK"

Alex bit her lip and took Piper's mouth in hers, sliding her tongue on the blondes and smiling at her, their foreheads pressed together; they looked into each other's eyes "I love seeing you cum"


	4. Chapter 4

**Once again I'd like to thank everyone for following and reviewing. I had a different idea for an AU but I don't think I'll give up on this story for now, I got big things coming up and most of it is already written down, so stick with me for now! If you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to PM me or review. Xx**

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><p>"So, are you coming home tonight?"<p>

Alex flickered her glasses "I'm kind of not going to work today"

"Say that again?" Piper looked at Alex from behind her shoulder while ironing the light pink button up shirt she'd wear to work today "Did you get fired?"

"What? No!" she chuckled; "I basically run that fucking place by myself! Like they could afford firing me"

Piper lifted an eyebrow, as if asking 'well, then?'. The brunette shrugged and dropped her phone on the bed beside her, "I have to run some errands, do some grocery shopping, clean this dump we're living in and do some laundry. We're running out of underwear"

"Is that why you're not wearing any?" Piper looked at her and laughed with the corner of her mouth while staring at Alex's bare legs on top of the bed where she was sitting, not noticing Alex's smirk.

"Al, you don't have to do all that, I'm supposed to do stuff too"

"Oh you will do stuff… only it simply involves your mouth, fingers and me"

They both smile and Piper moves closer and kisses Alex's forehead "Look forward to that"

Piper arrived to her building skipping and jumping around like a kid that had too much sugar, her scarf almost falling off and a brown bag on her left arm, happy that she would finally spend some time with her lover. She had a hard time with the key but managed to push it open a little too quickly, being greeted by the faint sound of Beethoven playing on Alex's iPod dock and an amazing smell. She smiled and dropped all her things by the door, heading into the kitchen and hugging Alex from behind "something smells amazing" she sniffed in exaggeration and smiled

"It's just steak and vegetables, nothing fancy. You want a drink?"

"Sure" and kissed Alex's shoulder blade "can I get you anything?"

"Red wine would be good, I got us a bottle earlier today" she said, looking at Piper with a side smile

"I see you went all out on grocery shopping, I couldn't fit a grape in this refrigerator if I wanted to"

"Well I plan on having you cook for me more often" Alex closed the pan with the steaming vegetables and walked up to her wife, moving her hair out of her neck and kissing it slowly. "And vice versa. Could you grab a couple of plates so we can sit by the counter and eat?"

"You don't want to eat watching tv…?" – They never ate by the counter, the closest thing they had to a table, except for special occasions. Alex chuckled and turned the steaks on the grill, sticking her pointer finger in one, checking the consistency

"No. How do you want your meat?"

"Um, medium, I guess" Piper answered, still looking puzzled at Alex's sudden change of demeanor. Sure, she had always been a charmer and knew how to impress Piper, but it was still very strange to see this version of her lover: standing in her pajamas while cooking dinner after having spent the day cleaning the apartment and doing grocery shopping. Yet, it felt good, warm and secure; everything she thought Alex would never be able to give her, she was witnessing at this very moment and couldn't help but smile whilst setting up the plates and salivating at the amazing smell.

"What's this?" Alex asked, holding up a children's shoe box

"It's nothing, don't worry"

"Spill it, kid"

"I just thought they were so cute and they were on sale, so I thought it wouldn't hurt…"

"You bought shoes for our future kid? Are you hiding something from me? Is someone interested in us? Do we have an interview? Shit, I have to prepare for this, Piper, when is it?" – Piper burst out laughing at Alex's desperation, causing the anxious brunette to lift her eyebrows, questioning 'what the fuck is going on?' in her head. Piper shook her head and took the box into her own hands

"It was just me being silly… no one's called. I'll just… return it tomorrow or the day after"

"I just don't want you to get hurt"

"Could you please not picture the worst case scenario just this once? Because I'm tired of negativity. I've had enough 'negatives' to last a lifetime" referring to all the failed IVF attempts and felt a pang in her chest by the memory "It's gender neutral. Toms. They give children in Africa a pair of shoes with each pair they sell, they're a really cool company, Al"

"Ok…" Alex put the box on the couch next to Piper and walked back into their room, barely hearing Piper sigh as she walked through the door.

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><p>A couple months passed by and still no call. Piper growing more upset each day and Alex over-working and not being home until around 3am, which meant they rarely got any time together anymore, and when they finally did, hours were spent asleep or in front of the tv, not really talking unless they were fighting, a new constant. They were both unhappy and they knew it – mostly because of the baby and the effect it had on Piper, who failed to realize that Alex's extra shifts and quietness were happening because she was just as upset, however, she never voiced it, instead she just retreated further into herself.<p>

They had another thing in common, how lonely they both felt. When one person works from 8am to 4pm and the other mostly works from 12pm to 9pm, and takes extra shifts until 3am, how could they fit each other into their schedules? They couldn't even fit a happy hour with the few friends they had left.

Wednesday finally came and that meant Alex finally had her day off. She woke up to an empty apartment and sighed: no note or text from Piper. She decided she'd eat a restaurant instead of cooking and took it as an opportunity to apologize to Nicky for being an absent friend

**To Nicky: Hey, wanna grab lunch?**

**To Alex: HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE ALIVE? - **Alex let out a small laugh at this, she knew Nicky was going to give her a hard time

**To Nicky: Lunch's on me. You can choose the place**

**To Alex: Juniors on Flatbush Ave in 30. You'll pay for drinks too.**

**To Nicky: Deal.**

Alex changed into a pair of black skinny jeans, a white v neck shirt and a red flannel long sleeved shirt on top with black boots, intending on feeling as comfortable as possible, since her whole body was sore from the long hours standing on her feet and lifting things at work. She looked for the car keys but couldn't find them anywhere, which was unusual because Piper never drives, except when they took small road trips, but she never drives in the city.

**To Piper: Can't find car keys**

**To Alex: I took the car, I'll explain later**

Alex realized they hadn't even said 'good morning' or asked how they were doing. Everything was too formal and deprived of fun or even love. It seemed there was no sparkle left.

**To Nicky: I'll be a little late. Order me something and take it easy on the alcohol, it's too early to be drunk**

**To Alex: Well that's a shame because I'm really enjoying the bottle of champagne that you just bought me. Just come already**

Oh, this was gonna be expensive.

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><p>Alex got out of the cab and pushed the red and glass door open, her eyes quickly finding Nicky, who looked at her faking amusement "Well, look who's here! What do I own the pleasure of eating and drinking for free?"<p>

"Don't make me regret it, Nick"

"Right" Nicky grabbed the bottle of champagne and filled up a glass for Alex "So where's Chapman? She running late?" Alex drank it all in one go and motioned for Nicky to fill it back up, taking another huge sip and ordering another bottle "Easy there, Vause" she shrugged and drank another sip

Nicky lifted an eyebrow "Oooh, trouble in paradise, eh? Shark week? Well your neighbors must be glad to catch a silent break for once" she smiled at her own joke but noticed her friend had kept a straight face "What's wrong?"

"I think Piper is leaving me"


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello! I'm really happy with your reviews and follows. This was a though chapter to write, still not happy with it but it's an important part of where I want to go with this story. Any suggestions, please, don't hesitate to review/pm. I'm always open for suggestions!**

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><p>"That's the biggest load of bullshit I've heard today, Vause!" Nicky put her glass back on the table and sat further down the chair<p>

"No, I'm dead serious. Nothing I ever do is good enough for her, I can't even remember the last time we had a proper conversation"

"Well then take a vacation, quit your job, hell, kidnap her if you will! Make time"

"I can't quit now, Nick… I've been working my ass off so we can save up for when we have a kid"

"Hate to break it to ya but you don't have a kid yet and if you two can't stay together you never will. C'mon Vause, cherish the lady, make her cum, whatever it is that you do, just work your magic"

They continue to chat and eat, Nicky actually managing to make her friend smile a couple times as she spoke about how the last girl she had been with resembled a rabbit trying to breed and how hard it was to make her leave afterwards. After the third bottle of champagne they asked for the bill and it finally hit Alex how many shifts she had to work to afford this kind of meal and how she should only spend that amount of money on food if it was on a date with her wife. Nicky took the bill into her own hands, handing the waiter enough to cover the whole thing and smirked "Don't get used to me paying. Tip's on you. Go get her, tiger"

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><p>Alex had agreed with most of what her friend had said and walked to the local farmers market, buying a couple different types of cheese that would go with their favorite wine and grabbing some colorful flowers when she decides to walk over to the school where Piper teaches English to foreign students but soon realizes she doesn't know which room she should go to, then heads to the secretary's table<p>

"Hi, I'm looking for Piper Chapman, she's a teacher here"

"Oh um, were you one of her students?"

"Uh, no, I'm her wife" she crosses her arms, waiting for directions. The secretary looks confused and lost, until she finally answers

"I'm sorry, ma'am, miss Chapman is no longer enrolled in our faculty of teachers, I'm afraid I can't help you with any other information"

"Wait, what?"

"I suggest you speak to your wife. I'm sorry I can't be much help" the short red hair says and checks her phone nervously, desperately trying to get away from the situation. Alex just stands there, dumb funded, until she fixes her glasses and turns around to leave, not bothering to say 'thanks' or 'goodbye'

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><p>Alex had been home for about an hour when Piper finally arrived carrying a few bags and putting them on the counter beside her purse and cellphone, not noticing her wife's presence.<p>

"A simple 'hello' would've been nice, you know?"

Piper jumps back, unaware she wasn't home alone and looks at Alex, relieved it was her "Oh. You scared me"

"Still don't hear the 'hello'"

"Hello, Alex" and proceeded to unload one of the bags with a few groceries and 6-pack of beer, opening one and taking a big sip

Alex lifted an eyebrow, becoming furious at how cold Piper was being to her "Don't I get one?" Piper shrugged and threw one at Alex, who almost didn't catch it. "Seriously Piper, what the fuck is going on?"

"Excuse me?"

"When were you planning on telling me you quit your job?"

Piper opens her mouth in shock but no words come out. Alex crosses her arms impatiently and lifts an eyebrow while waiting for an answer

"I… I was going to tell you soon, how did you… Who told you?" she answers as her phone vibrates on the center table, she quickly moves to pick it up but Alex runs past her and snatches it from her hands, a new text message from someone named Dylan saying he **"Had a great time today. ;)"** she lifts an eyebrow and holds the phone up so Piper can read the screen, when the phone buzzes again **"Dinner date tomorrow at the usual place?"** Alex takes the phone back and reads the screen with furrowed eyebrows then throws the phone on the wall, completely smashing it in pieces

"Damn it, Alex! That was my phone!"

"Who's this guy and how long have you been fucking him?" Alex asks furiously, tapping her feet on the floor

"I'm not, Al, he's just a friend"

"A friend that takes you on dates? Cut the crap, Piper and answer my fucking question"

"I'm not fucking him, Alex! I'm not fucking anyone, actually, you, especially, should know that since you never even touch me anymore, hell, you're never even here!"

"Well I'm here now, ain't I?"

"You haven't changed at all, Alex. You broke the promise you made me. You're still the same selfish, workaholic you were 15 years ago!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?! I'm working to afford YOUR dreams, YOUR needs! Go fuck yourself"

"Already fucked my own fingers last night, Alex, since no one else is fucking me anymore"

Alex lifted an eyebrow and Piper sighed, turning around to open the refrigerator when she gasped at Alex's grip on her behind "Is that what this is about? That we haven't fucked in a while?" she held the blonde by the hips with one hand, a bit too strongly and pulled her hair in a ponytail with her other hand

"In too long"

Alex bit Pipers nape with force, lifting her hand from the blonde's hips to her right breast, squeezing it a bit too tightly

"Owww" Piper protested and put her hand over Alex's "That hurt"

"You can take it" Alex squeezed her breast again, a little more softly and started sucking on Piper's neck, leaving marks all over it, unaware that being tough was turning Piper on even more and making her moan "Did you miss me?"

"Too much" Piper lifted her hand to grab Alex's and tried to bring her hand down to where she really wanted it, but Alex managed to keep her hand up

"How much?" she bit Piper's neck, this one definitely leaving an almost instant mark

"Fuck me and find out" Piper used her own hand to massage her other breast and biting her own lip

Alex decided not to take the teasing further, propping herself higher and holding Piper's head in a tight grip, turning it to bite her lip and suck on it while putting her other hand inside her pants, pushing her underwear to the side and roughly sticking two fingers deep inside her, making Piper jump up in surprise at the sudden touch and moan loudly, curving her hips to her behind, rubbing her ass on Alex's front and mumbled "So much" while grinding into the brunette's, motioning for Alex to move faster, when she got the clue and inserted a third finger, pushing as deep as she could, while squeezing one of her breasts and biting her shoulder, until she moved her hand down to Pipers ass, from inside her underwear and squeezed it tight, making Piper soon start to feel her knees weaken

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum"

Alex ignored her and continued pushing harder inside her while scratching Piper's side, drawing some blood out of it when she felt the blonde tighten up inside and moan loudly

"FUCK, Alex"

Piper's knees weakened and she came hard on Alex's hand, who quickly removed from the blonde quickly and almost pushed her wet hand inside Piper's mouth, she was still breathless but sucked on one of Alex's fingers but as she moved to clean the other fingers, Alex removed her hands off the blonde who almost lost her balance and had a confused expression on her face

"Have fun thinking of me when he's inside you" and with that, Alex grabbed her wallet and jacket and slammed the door behind her not bothering to look back, leaving a startled Piper with her hands on the counter trying to hold her body up from falling down.

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><p>Alex was shaking as she walked away from their apartment with tears falling from her eyes and blurring her vision until she finally managed to remove her phone from her pocket and type<p>

**To Nicky: I need a place to stay for a couple of days. Can I come over?**


	6. Chapter 6

**So this is a really short chapter, but important nonetheless. I'm overwhelmed by all the reviews, so, once again, thank you very much.**

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><p>It was cold but Alex felt a burning pain inside her chest, one she could swear was almost physical. Shoving her hands inside her jackets pockets in an attempt to warm up, she continued to wander the streets, tears still falling hard from her eyes and her phone buzzing nonstop with calls labelled 'Crib', to which she pressed the mute button every time.<p>

Cold wind was blowing and the smell of rain filled her nostrils but she didn't care because, at that moment, nothing mattered, nothing made sense and she could barely feel the floor beneath her. She knew she had been negligent and distant but never in a million years could she predict the things she'd read on Piper's phone.

Now shaking not only from her confused state of mind but also because of the temperature, Alex took a turn on the corner and arrived at Sea Witch Tavern, a small but cozy little bar that allowed smokers indoors. The place had hardwood floors and tables and a huge mystical blue painting adorning one of the larger walls, making it even darker and fortunately, warmer.

Seating on a stool by the counter she signaled for the bartender and ordered whatever had the most alcohol, fumbling her jacket and pulling out a scrunched up cigarette package, taking one and placing it between her lips when all of a sudden a hand offered her a lighter. Taking a drag and sighing in some sort of nicotine relief, Alex looked at the kind stranger – a normal looking guy with short brown hair, hazel eyes and a nice, soft smile on his lips. An executive, obviously, made clear by his expensive looking suit and shiny shoes. Alex nodded at him, mumbling thanks and looked down at her phone at another incoming call, which she promptly denied.

"Are you ok?" he asked, looking genuinely concerned at the state of the woman who sat beside him: she was completely soaked, shaking and had really puffy eyes "Or are you just high?" he joked, trying to lighten up the mood.

Alex let out a small smile. "I wish"

"I'm Adrian" – he introduced himself, lifting his hand for the brunette to shake.

"Alex. Listen, I'm having a shitty day and not up for chatting with strangers right now"

He took a step back, visibly embarrassed, but still managed to speak "If you don't live around here, there's a thrift store a couple doors away. I figured you could use a warm jacket. Good night, Alex".

She sighed and motioned for the bartender to fill her glass back up again and lit another cigarette using the one she already had lit, not knowing what to do or where to go. How the hell could she go from buying flowers to being cheated on? Disbelief, sadness, anger, hurt and regrets all filling up inside at once, she searched the bar for Adrian, who smiled politely as she approached him "You asked me if I was high"

"I did" he said as he lit up his cigar which Alex quickly recognized as a Davidoff, one of the best brands you could get your hands on. He noticed her stare and grabbed a small box from the inside pocket of his suit, opening it to reveal a few cigars from the same brand "Cigar?"

"Sure" Alex grabbed one, lighting it up as he held the lighter for her "But I was actually looking for something stronger"

He smiled and put his lighter back in his pants pocket "I think I can help you with that"

One hour later, many glasses of wine(all courtesy of Adrian) and a long speech about how fucked up her wife was, his dealer finally arrived at the bar and greeted the pair. Alex sighed in relief that she didn't know the guy – an average New Yorker wearing a not so expensive suit and holding a briefcase probably loaded with any kind of drug one could need. A typical New York City dealer. Alex passed him a 50 dollar bill, neatly folded in her hand as she gave him a handshake.

"How can I be of service, ma'am?"

She hesitated. What exactly did she want? Was she going to fall back into heroin? Maybe she should ask for her money back and just buy a few bottles of cheap wine and head back to Nicky's, who, by the way, had yet to text back. Maybe she could just buy weed? She only smoked marijuana after sex but hey, it relaxed her and it wasn't a chemical, maybe that would be enough to set her mind at ease for a couple of hours and not worry about falling back into her old addiction… She hadn't had heroin in over 5 years now, how dumb would it be to just give up on sobriety now?

Excruciating pain hit her like a bullet all of a sudden, when reality finally kicked in: she was alone, there was no one to go home to, no text back from her best friend, no warm bed to spend the freezing cold Brooklyn night. She needed something to numb the pain, anything.

"How much heroin can I get for that?"

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><p><strong>I apologize for the length and hope you're all sticking with me. I know we're in a very dark place right now but I know how I'm going to end this story and I can promise it'll be on a happier note. Or not…<strong>

**Quick poll: do you think Piper cheated on Alex? If not, what was she doing with the Dylan guy? Will Alex go back to heroin? Where the hell is Nicky? Guess away!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi! I'm sorry if I made you guys nervous with the last chapter, that was exactly what I planned on doing ;P**

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><p>Piper stood still, her legs still shaking from her orgasm and what happened afterwards. She felt her chest tighten up as she tried to understand what the fuck had just happened, her eyes never leaving the door, silently begging Alex to come back, but knowing she wouldn't. Alex wasn't one to have her heart broken and act like it didn't happen or even to forgive; she always either kept her feelings inside or exploded.<p>

Regaining control of her legs, she ran to the living room searching for the house phone and dialing Alex's phone.

'It's Alex, leave a message'

Fuck. She pressed re-dial over and over again, even though she knew her wife would never pick up. She threw the phone on the floor, buttoning her pants as she stormed out the door, ignoring the rain and running desperately as she looked around and tried to find Alex, who was nowhere in sight.

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><p>After the dealer left and Adrian went somewhere(she had no idea where, seeing as she was too focused on her newest purchase and didn't bother listening to him as walked away), Alex retrieved the bag from the inside pocket of her jacket, not letting go of it. Should she just snort a bit and get it over with? Maybe she could throw it away… Or ask the bartender for a spoon and go out searching for a pharmacy or somewhere she could buy a fresh needle… Or Piper. She knew was rough to her, the blonde probably had many bruises all over her body, did she hurt her body as bad as she thought she had? Fuck her. Fucking Piper Chapman, breaking Alex's heart AGAIN. Cheating. A million thoughts running through her mind at once, voices loud in her head, so loud that she didn't acknowledge Adrian was returning and calling her name.<p>

"Alex!" he nudged her arm

"Yeah, sorry" she snapped out of her daze and refocused her eyes, looking at him

"Care to go for a smoke?" he held out a blunt and let out a small smile as Alex nodded and moved to the outdoor area with him

"So" he lit up the blunt and looked at Alex "Didn't take you for a junkie"

Alex froze. She couldn't get that bag out of her mind but being called a "junkie" after so long threw a shiver down her spine "I'm… I'm not a junkie. I've been clean for a while"

"Really?" he took another hit and kept his eyes on her, not blowing the smoke out "How long have you been clean?"

"Around 5 years" she motioned for him to give her the joint, he obeyed while letting the smoke out and she took a really long hit "Never thought I'd go back"

"You don't have to, you know" he shrugged his shoulders and put his hands inside his pockets, shivering from the cold air

"Huh?"

"You don't have to do it. I mean, you can still throw it away"

Alex chuckled in disbelief. Who was this person? Why would he care? He was the one that made it possible for her to buy the heroin and she'd known him for what, 2 hours? She adjusted her glasses and took another hit, shrugging.

"Give it to me"

"No way"

"I'll buy it from you"

"I've vowed to never sell heroin again"

His eyes opened wide, a puzzled expression on his face "What? Are you telling me you were a dealer?"

Alex sighed, taking another hit and blowing smoke rings and handing Adrian his blunt black "It's a long story and I don't feel like talking about it"

"Well then give me the bag"

"And lose 50 bucks? No way" she put her arms around her body as the wind blew

"Small price to pay if the other option is losing your sobriety, eh?" he finally took his eyes away from Alex's face and looked down, fidgeting the blunt with his thumbnail.

Alex opened her eyes wide, his words sinking in and making her heart skip a bit. She looked at him "who are you?!", words way too familiar for her.

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><p>"OPEN THE DOOR!" Piper had given up on running around trying to find Alex after about an hour(she could be anywhere, for Christ's sake) and had been slamming Nicky's front door for about 5 minutes now, but she couldn't hear any sounds coming from the inside "NICKY OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR NOW"<p>

Her knuckles hurt; Her vision blurred from the tears that didn't stop falling down. She sat by the door, her knees bent and her arms wrapped around them, her head between her knees.

"Chapman?" she heard Nicky walking down the hall and lifted her head as the tears kept falling down "What the fuck?"

"WHERE'S ALEX?" She jumped up and grabbed both of her friend's arms

"I have no idea, blondie, what's going on?"

"Call her! Call her right now, Nicky! Give me your phone!" Nicky knew something was really wrong. She unlocked her phone so quickly that she didn't realize she had many missed calls and texts from Alex and handed Piper the device after she started dialing Alex's number

"Could you tell me what the fuck is going on?"

Piper ignored her, holding the phone really close to her ears, eyes closed as she chanted "Pick up, pick up, pick up"

3 attempts later and an impatient and clueless Nicky, Piper once again hit redial and it was after the fourth ring that she finally heard Alex's voice

"What the fuck took you so long, Nick?!"

"Al, it's me"

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><p><strong>PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! <strong>

**Did Alex give Adrian the heroin bag or will she take it? How is Piper going to get her wife back?**

**If you're not that mad at me, check out my new story, Roommates. It's a fluffy one, complete opposite to this story.**

**Please review/PM with any suggestions or anything! I promise the next chapter will be up in a few days.**


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